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The Great Barrier Queef: Diving Deep Into The Vagina Fart

by Emma Glassman-Hughes 

 

As with many of the gross bodily functions not taught in schools, I first learned about queefs from the Internet-educated, excessively hormonal boys with whom I rode the bus to and from middle school every single day. Yes, everyone, I admit that I learned about queefs and cunts from the greasy tweenage horndogs who used to sit in the back of the bus and giggle about boobies and fight over runescape. And you know what? I'm a stronger person for it.  

Anyway, back to queefs. They called it a vagina fart. I was obviously intrigued.

Unsurprisingly, they didn't have much scientific information to complete their description so I was left pretty much in the dark when it came to vag farts. What a pity.

It wasn't until about five years later when I started having sex that I revisited the subject. Let's just say this queef research (queefsearch, people) was...unplanned. I imagine my "first time" story (first time queefing, that is) looked a lot like other first time stories; things were heating up between the sheets, we were 100% focused on being in the moment, both of us feeling sexy and so very adult but also a little uncomfortable, when suddenly enters the queef. The noise, akin to a whoopie cushion on a chair, was too much for me, and out of embarrassment, confusion, and childlike tendencies, I burst into a laughing fit that lasted longer than I'd like to admit. Luckily, my partner and I both laughed and decided to push onward, much more relaxed and easy now that the tension had been broken by my vag tunes.

Listen. I know many of you want to have serious sex, so steamy and intense that it could easily be cut and pasted into a movie, etc. I know that. Sometimes I want that, too. But I think the world would be a much better place if we just accepted the reality of sex, which is that sex is hilarious. My favorite euphemism is "bumping uglies" because that's exactly what's going on, and how could that NOT be hilarious??? If you're doing it with any kind of vigor or intention, sex of all kinds is bound to make some startlingly silly noises that--while potentially distracting--are A) super normal and B) comedic gold. In fact, I venture to say that if it weren't for the stigma that envelopes virtually every normal vaginal function, queefs would be seen as a sexual gift--something to keep people laughing and to keep the mood light. Instead, outside the bedroom and within a larger cultural context, queefs are largely understood as dirty or unladylike; something to be ashamed of. Well you know what? It's time that we let our crotches sing instead of stifling their voices. I declare here and now that it's time we give the queef what the queef deserves. It's time we honor the queef and embrace the queef with dignity and plentiful giggles. It's time we hailed the queef as a beacon of pleasure and levity where and when we need it most. After all, queef is only one letter away from Queen.

 

 

Where's the Queef? And other life questions. 

By Kelsey Duchesne

 

What is a Queef?


Queefing (also known as vaginal flatulence, but let’s be honest, queefing is the better option here) is the expulsion of air leaving your vagina. While it may sound like a regular fart (or sometimes worse?), the queef is not made up of any gas and has no odor. Essentially, what goes in must come back out, and in this case it’s by way of the queef.


Why does it happen?


Queefing most often happens after or during penetrative sex, and can happen during exercise. But like, mostly when you are putting something in your vagina.


Is there any way to prevent it?


Queefing can occur in any sex position, so we don’t have any cosmo-esque tips like “Have sex while doing a handstand! Buy a Vagina Vacuum!” So no, there isn’t truly a way to prevent it--you are a human body with a human vagina and you gotta take the good with the queef! Think of it as an anatomical  music box. 



Any health concerns I should know about?


Nope! Queefs are perfectly healthy and normal. However, if you have a particularly bad smelling queef, you should see your doctor, as it could be colovaginal fistula. This is a condition that occurs when there is a tear between your colon and vagina, though this most typically happens after surgery or childbirth. You also shouldn’t purposefully blow air into someone's vagina, so maybe don’t try this when you’re feeling in the mood to be sexually experimental. Blowing into a woman's vagina, specifically while pregnant, could cause an air embolism. In short: don't treat your lovers vagina like a trumpet. 




Does queefing happen to you, and only you?


Yes, we’re sorry, but you are the sole owner of a vocal vagina...just kidding! Anyone with a vagina queefs now and again. Whether it spills out post-coitus or slips when you’re trying to downward-dog, just remember that all women have queefs.

 

Team THINX unites as Queefy Queens. Emma is a proud queefer…. I, on the other hand, have a polite, quiet vagina (jk, i'm a queef machine.) Watch the video below to get some Team THINX thoughts on all things Queef! 

 


 

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