Can it be? An entire list of newsworthy items that DON'T make you want to scream and shout and let it all out? Yup, this week is all good news. A true miracle.
1. Femen Activists Bare Themselves for Feminism.
#FreeTheNipple faced some stiff competition for most badass display of nipular action this past week during aFemendemonstration in France. At a controversial conferencemeant for discussing the role of Muslim women--where men gathered about to debate such scholarly topics as whether or not it's okay to beat their wives, or which activity is better-suited for feminine pursuit (cooking or shopping, tho??? The choices are endless!)--two Femen activists rushed the stage topless, shouting, "No one subjugates me" and "I am my own prophet" in French and Arabic. Whoa. These fearless women were of course forcibly escorted off the stage and subsequently sent rape and death threats on Twitter, but like, what more can we expect at this point, ppl. FEMEN! Apply directly to the sexist power structure!
2. Joe Biden Is Bae.
In a country where thousands upon thousands of rape kits are left legit untested for years out of negligence (*ahem* sexism) and lack of funding--rape kits containing vital information that could potentially put scores of sexual predators behind bars??!?!?--we desperately need a shiny-toothed hero on our side. Joe Biden (America’s Feminist Sweetheart, obvs) has stepped up to the plate, unveiling a massive allocation of funds assigned to law enforcement to clear this rape kit backlog. In fact, the $80 million budget is the largest ever contribution to this effort... ever. Ever. TYSM, Joe.
3. That Darn Serena Williams Just Won't Smile!
The “come-on-baby-put-a-smile-on” comment from strange men is up there with weak wifi during a Netflix marathon on the list of things we aggressively dislike. It’s annoying enough to get comments like that on the daily walk to work, but imagine getting it as the most talented tennis player in all the land. ...Chyeah. After beating sister Venus in the U.S. Open semifinals this past week, a reporter decided to ask Serena Williams why she wasn’t smiling during their press conference instead of more appropriate questions, like, idk, maybe “How does it feel to rule the world???” Additionally, considering how much scrutiny is abuzz about Serena’s appearance, this question was like actual nails on a chalkboard. Yeesh.
4. Hillary Clinton Adds Campus Sexual Assault to the Agenda.
Finally, a headline that is straight outta our wildest feminist dreams: Hillary Clinton calls for the end of campus sexual assault, and promises to focus on the issue during her race for the presidency. In a bold political move contrary to the relatively quiet campaign she’s been running thus far, Clinton voiced her deepest support for reform within educational institutions (calling for improved sex education among other things!!!) and for survivors of sexual assault. As the only political candidate to date (that’s, like, ever and in all of history, btw) to highlight this issue and make it a pivotal piece of her platform and campaign, Clinton is already making history in this race for office. We look forward to hearing more outta ya, Hill.
5. Lane Bryant Pushes for Body-Positivity.
Here’s the thing: 67% of American women wear clothing between the sizes of 14 and 24. If you’re scrunching your noses up at that statistic--maybe wondering how that could possibly be true--it’s time to reevaluate the countless unrealistic images of women that you are exposed to on the daily. Conveniently enough, Lane Bryant has just launched a fierce new ad campaign structured around the concept of “Plus Is Equal,” that celebrates the heck outta bodacious babes (otherwise known as “plus-size models”). The apparel company has traditionally catered to curvy women, but this body-positive push is pretty revolutionary, and will not go unnoticed--it’s expected to go viral with upwards of 16 billion hits worldwide. #Curvy is the new black.