Written in a jk-but-not-really manner by Kelsey Duchesne
First of all, how are you?
Are you enjoying all of this mainstream attention?
Are you glad that you spent 18 months and 50,000 dollars making a robot that looks exactly like the actress Scarlett Johansson?
Okay, yes, I know that you are not officially confirming that your inspiration was SJ, but the resemblance is kinda uncanny, huh?
Like, not in the same way you buy a doll that has the same hair color as you, like in a much more specific way, right? You get what I’m saying, yeah?
Have you thought about how Scarlett Johansson has been feeling about all of this?
Do you think she feels kinda weird about this whole thing?
You know, all of this attention, seeing a robot that looks just like her, seeing you with your arm around the robot?
You know? Because it’s not like she sat down with the people at Madame Tussauds Wax Museum and picked out glass eyeballs with the same colored pupils- this kinda came out of nowhere. I’m guessing you never contacted her?
Do you think she may feel kinda violated?
Do you know that an online hacker stole personal photos of her in 2012 and he is now serving a sentence?
Do you know what it feels like to not feel in control of your body?
How do you think Scarlett Johansson felt when she learned that when you call the robot “beautiful,” she responds bashfully through her facial features?
Do you know Scarlett Johansson has a daughter?
Have you seen the movie Lars and the Real girl? I think you’d be into it.
Why are you refusing to confirm that this robot is essentially the twin of SJ?
Is it because, in some ways, you know it’s wrong?
Or...maybe all the ways?
Because it’s not okay to objectify women's bodies?
Because it’s one thing to photoshop a mustache on Scarlett Johansson face and make it your cover photo, but it’s another thing to literally create a SECOND ScarJo and have these weird romantic vibes with it?
Have you ever thought about how Scarlett Johansson is not just an actress, but a real person?
And how her movies are for you, and her interviews are for you, but her body is just hers?
Have you thought about being a public figure but still wanting to protect yourself? Because you are a human person with thoughts and feelings?
Do you know what you’re going to do with the next 18 months of your life?
Do you think it involves some self reflection?
Do you think your talents could be used for something better?
Can you please promise to stop making robots of female celebrities without their permission?
Can you just….stop? Okay. Thx. Bye.