Every year when October 1st rolls around (rabbit rabbit), I swear to myself I’m going to spend the next 4 weeks brainstorming a brilliant and topical Halloween costume, and meticulously bringing every detail to life from scratch. Then I look up from my computer, realize Halloween is 3 days away, and start to panic. I’m a homemade costume purist, so a last minute store-bought ensemble isn’t an option. I crave the satisfaction of finding the perfect blazer/glasses/floral dress combo to transform me into Elaine Benes for the night. But re: my aforementioned sartorial procrastinating, costume shopping often happens in my own closet or a local Goodwill 15 minutes before they close.
Since I suspect I’m not the only last minute Marge starting to sweat about what to wear this weekend, we pulled together a handy cheat sheet for fellow buzzer beaters. And because pee puns make our world go ‘round, every option on our leaktastic list can be built around a pair of beloved Speax.
1. The Splash Emoji 💦
Without question our most commonly used emoji at Speax HQ, is the splash. It's a brilliant multi-purpose communication tool. Got caught in the rain? 💦 Accidentally spit when you said hi to a co-worker? 💦 Sneezed without crossing your legs? 💦 Need a costume in less than 30 minutes? 💦
What you need: White shirt, Speax Hi-waist undies, blue poster board
2. Pee-No Noir 🍷
This subtle red pairs beautifully with a not-so-subtle pun. An easy all-black ensemble that’ll have your friends cackling through a debacherous evening that would make Bacchus proud. Also: a perfect excuse to slug red all night (like we needed one).
What you need: Black shirt, black tights, Speax Hi-waist undies, tan & white poster board + black marker, wine glass
3. Tinkle Bell ✨
Not to be confused with Pee-ter Pan’s pocket sized sidekick, Tinkle Bell's femme power and magic dust willl blow your socks off. Fight off misogyny with this fierce look and be sure to have a cute-but-not-be-messed-with sparkly wand (to cast spells) in hand.
What you need: Green top, black tights (torn for punk tink look), Speax Hi-waist undies, green posterboard wings, wand
4. A Leek 🌱
This less pungent cousin to onions and garlic makes a fabulous addition to any autumnal stew or All Hallows' Eve festivity. If anyone asks, “why are you dressed as a vegetable?” Simply raise your eyebrows and reply, “They foretold you would ask that” and mysteriously waltz away to find someone more interesting to talk to.
What you need: White shirt, white tights, Speax Hi-waist undies, Green posterboard
5. Pee Pee Le Pew 🌹
Ok, we debated back and forth forever about whether to include this one. Since the 1940’s, Pepe has been billed a tireless romantic in constant search of love, but his overly aggressive displays of “affection” reek (pun intended) of unwanted sexual advances and his vibe is flat out rapey. Let’s face it, he was the original Pussy Grabber. Not so odor-able, Warner Bros. But we ultimately decided to reclaim this French skunk as our own symbol of consenting canoodling as you prance around lovestruck in your anti-odor undies.
What you need: Black shirt, black tights, Speax bikini undies, skunk tail (what, you don’t have one lying around?), sunglasses, fake flower
Posted: Wed, Jul 31, 2019